As part of the new Life section, the Ontarion staff and volunteers will share their awkward anecdotes and uncomfortable situations on a weekly basis. Vote on our online poll each week on situations that are much more than simple yes or no questions.

Hell, I’ll admit, I’m probably the worst person to go out on a date with. I’ve been heavily influenced by the great modern philosophers of dating, most notably the dudes from Keys to the VIP and Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah I’m superficial. Yeah, okay, if a girl eats one pea at a time it’s a deal breaker.
I have problems.
But what happened to me the other night on a first date sparked debate amongst some of the greatest minds of the era (I have three friends doing their masters). And I believe my reasons for not calling this young woman back were justified, not neurotic as one academic put.
So we want you to decide.
So here it is, and mind you this really is a true story.
We went to a show. We laughed. I touched her hand. She smiled.
We walked downtown. It was snowing. Ah, she’s pretty.
So as we were walking I asked her if she was hungry and she said she certainly was. I liked her style.
So we dined, late as it was. When the meal got there I dug in. She picked at her meal.
This was the first alert.
Why say you’re hungry when you’re not? But okay, I cut her some slack. She was nervous right?
But when the bubbly waitress came and asked her if she wanted to pack up her meal, she said no. No? She had taken literally two to five bites. I was paying too!!
It wasn’t her small appetite that bothered me; it was the fact that she wouldn’t bag a perfectly good meal that I could have eaten the next day for lunch. Again, I cut her some slack. This wasn’t the deal breaker, I only tell you this little incident to contextualize my later decision.
So we left. It was still snowing. We laughed. Again I touched her hand.
So what, I was digging her. No big deal. I still liked her style.
So I invited her over to my place. We drank wine. We talked movies. She had never heard of Life Aquatic. Again, I cut her some slack. I was still digging her. My socks smelled. I changed them. I knew I liked her
So, then it began. A small kiss led to some heavy petting. A voyage into my bedroom let to an exploration of each other’s bodies.
So we had some fun, some PG 13 fun. As the legendry R & B singer Monica once said, ‘I don’t get down on the first night.’
And given that, you can only do so much PG 13 fun before it gets a little monotonous.
So we stopped. And then she did it.
Lying there, in my bed, she turned to me and said, ‘should I just, uh, maybe, uh stay the night?’
Okay, let’s be real, that’s not really a question. It’s a statement that’s she’s staying over. I didn’t really have a choice.
So again, lets break it down: it was the first date. I invited her up. I invited her to my room. I clearly showed that I was interested. It was three in the morning.
But here’s my thing: sleeping in the same bed with someone you just met is more intimate than having sex with them. You’re asleep; they could be awake watching you. Then there’s the spooning politics that inevitably ensue. Do we cuddle? Is there a morning kiss once both people are up? And fuck, sometimes, rarely, when I’ve had a lot to drink I’ve pissed the bed. Like three times. Four, maybe. And when it’s happened with a girl it’s been cool because I’ve been in long term relationships with them.
Goddammit I wasn’t ready for this.
But I had no choice. She stayed. And I slept pressed against the wall. I didn’t pee the bed, though.
So she left the next day. And I never called.
And so the debate ensued. When I told the story, opinion was divided. Some thought that because I had invited her up, because it was late in the morning and because we had fooled around, it was her ‘right’ to stay. Others felt that in no situation, regardless of the fact she was a woman and it was three in the morning, do you ever invite your self to sleep over.
And remember, she threw away a perfectly good meal.

You decide on the ontarion.ca. The question is: In this situation, should I have simply assumed she was staying the night when I invited her in. Yes or No?

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