Written by Cathleen Finlay
Nicki Darbyson had a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when her friend from high school asked her to be a bridesmaid in her spring wedding.
“At first, I felt great. I felt happy for my friend and I was touched that she considered me such a close friend,” Darbyson said, a PhD student studying History at the University of Guelph.
But once she realised the amount of time, effort, and money that was expected of her, Darbyson’s fuzzy feelings seemed to fade away.
“I eventually realised that for bridesmaids, the bad inevitably outweighs the good,” Darbyson said.
The wedding, traditionally understood as a happy rite of passage celebrating the love between two people, can quickly become a stressful and expensive venture for everyone involved.
And ‘expensive’ is not an understatement. Vicki Howard, associate professor of History at Hartwick College, insists that the wedding industry generates about $70 billion per year.
In her new book entitled Brides, Inc., Dr. Howard illustrates how the modern conception of the wedding was shaped in the early twentieth century by advertising campaigns, merchandising promotions and entrepreneurial innovations.
Things like the white wedding gown for one-time use, the large diamond ring, and the grooms’ donning of a wedding band are all relatively new concepts.
“Many traditions that we think of as ancient or natural at weddings developed around the 1920s and 30s,” Dr. Howard said.
One trend that was pushed by the jewellery industry that never caught on was a male engagement ring. Dr. Howard said it didn’t become popular because it “conflicted with notions of masculinity and represented passivity and possession.”
Traditions that did not generate more business, like wearing an heirloom ring or a handed down dress, have been downplayed by the industry in the past.
“The common wedding that we have today resembles what would have been, 100 years ago, the wedding of the elite class,” Dr. Howard insisted.
The growing popularity of the lavish wedding has not only driven up costs, but also bloated the expectations placed on the bridesmaids, family, and friends of the bride to provide support with planning and costs.
Darbyson said, “There’s the engagement party, the bridal shower, the jack and jill, and the bachelorette party that need to be planned and on top of that gifts need to be purchased for each party in addition to the wedding gift.
“Bridesmaids also usually have to pay for their dress and its alterations, as well as their hair, make-up, and shoes. This can work out to be well over a thousand dollars.”
Sharon Naylor, author of 35 books on wedding planning, including her latest entitled Your Wedding Your Way, insists that many brides today are opting for a non-traditional wedding.
“It’s about twisting the common traditions to personalise your big day. The shift from traditional to non-traditional has been happening slowly over the past ten years,” Naylor said.
“The first things that started to happen were cutting out the garter toss and the bouquet toss. A bride may not have a lot of single girls there to go after the bouquet. It may be inappropriate if they’re all eleven years old. Or you just don’t want violence on your dance floor because people are drinking.”
Although some brides are putting a unique twist on the traditions of their wedding, Naylor maintained that wedding etiquette is still important.
She said, “There’s a lot of misinformation and outdated information out there on proper etiquette.”
According to Dr. Howard, the reason wedding traditions have been able to maintain the influence that they have is because of the etiquette-makers’ ability to adapt the rules for new trends.
“There is a new angle to wedding traditions that incorporates environmental awareness, for ‘green brides’. There are also ways that the etiquette has expanded to incorporate new cultural practices,” Dr. Howard said.
Despite the prevalence of twisting and adapting traditions, there still are ‘Bridezillas’ who feel that their wedding day needs to be the best day of their lives, no matter the cost.
Naylor said that some brides have gone as far as hiring models as bridesmaids to have perfect pictures. She also said that some women have ordered their wedding party to enter bootcamp to fit into the preferred dress size.
Darbyson said that the best way for a bride to enjoy her wedding is to take the pressure off herself and those around her.
“Going into it thinking it’s going to be the perfect day will only make it a disappointment,” she said.
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