Lunchtime, dinnertime. It’s all right.
While much of the food I’ve cooked for this column has earned me the judgment and revulsion of my friends, coworkers, and no doubt a significant portion of the readership, I never had any shame about any of it. I walked up to that butcher counter and proudly ordered those two pounds of tail meat! This time, however, was the first time I ever felt embarrassed or sheepish about what I was buying.
To say Spam has a bad reputation is putting it lightly. Spam is so reviled that we named one of the most annoying things about our day– emails saying we’re the winner of penis enlargement from a Nigerian prince or whatever– in its honour. But really, when it comes down to it, the product itself is not that bad. A quick glance at the ingredients doesn’t really include anything out-of-the-ordinary. In fact, it’s far simpler and more straightforward than things like hotdogs and bologna. If you have no problem eating them, then hold your tongue about Spam.
There are a few places, however, where Spam isn’t the pariah of the pork world. Hawaii, for example, has embraced the tinned pink meat as if it were its own. It shows up in a variety of now-traditional Hawaiian dishes, such as Spam musubi, a sushi-like spam and rice treat, and loco moco.
Loco moco has many variations– including burger patties, mahi-mahi, kalua pork and, yes, Spam– but they all have the constant of a meat, white rice, a fried egg, and brown gravy. It’s a simple, mostly nutritionless meal that tastes a whole lot better than it might sound.
The best way to prepare the Spam is in a skillet, but it takes some time. The hardest part is getting it out of the tin it’s packaged in, but once you’ve achieved that (run a knife around the edge, shake vigourously, be patient) slice the Spam into about one centimetre thick slices– you should get about seven or eight per tin– and place in a pan on medium-low heat. There’s no need to add any butter or oil to the cooking pan, and definitely do not add any salt. (Spam is crazy salty. No part of this meal requires the addition of salt.)
You want to heat it slowly so that most of the fat is drawn out of the meat until it is frying in its own fat, sort of like a duck confit, but Spam. The longer and slower, the better. Cook for about 10 minutes per side until it is crispy and brown on the outside.
Since you’re serving it with rice, if you start both at about the same time, they will probably be ready at about the same time as well. When you’re ready, remove the meat, fry an egg (either in the salty Spam fat, or wipe the pan clean and start anew) and serve with gravy. Gravy from a can. You’re eating Spam, remember. Don’t you dare try and make this classy.
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