Man’s thirteen exes now dating each other

Man’s thirteen exes now dating each other

What goes around, comes around

In what local barista Gerald Downing is describing as a “living nightmare from hell,” all thirteen of the women he has ever dated are now dating each other — simultaneously.

“We really bonded over what a sack of crap Gerald is,” said Tina North on a date with all twelve of her partners at the L/A Starbucks, where Downing works. Downing lost his virginity to North in an experience she described as, “Oh my God, ahahahaha, ughhh, just uggggggggggggh.”

“Gerald just couldn’t satisfy me — emotionally, sexually, or in any other way,” said North. “It turned out that the only people who could are the other twelve women he’s dated in his lifetime.”

“This is our favourite spot,” said Mary Lo, as Downing tried to avert his eyes behind the counter. “The service can be sullen and resentful, but we all have so many memories here. Memories of Gerald disappointing us in various ways and now, memories of falling in love with each other while Gerald has to bring us shit. It just puts me in such a romantic mood.”

“I’m not one for PDA,” said North, “but sometimes we all get so carried away that we just have to kiss each other right here in front of him over and over again.”

“We have so much in common,” said Katie Munnfield. “Like the fact that Gerald took us all here on the first date because he gets a discount and he’s a fucking skinflint.”

Downing then delivered a round of drinks to the table where the thirteen lovers laughed and high-fived.

Photo by Cat Cooper.

Special thanks to Anna Olchowec, Brenna McCutcheon, Laura Ireland, Rachel Hill, and Jamie Barnes for posing for this photo.

Add Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *