How to survive the drought

How to survive the drought

Sexual dry spells are a way to connect with self

Sex is fun; it’s also complicated. When you’re constantly sexually active, it becomes routine. But when you’re not having sex, it seems the longer you go without it, the deeper you dig your inescapable hole of solitude.

The terms “dry spell” and “drought” no doubt come with negative connotations related to the expectation that you should be having sex consistently to maintain your sexual desirability. I find this is especially true for women, considering we often hear that it’s “easier for us” and that “we can have sex whenever we want.” This isn’t the case, and would we really want it to be? If we could have sex whenever we had the urge, it would take away the lust that makes it all so exciting.

Periods of your life without sex can actually be quite beneficial.

Reasons for sexual droughts vary from person to person. You could be experiencing a rough patch in your relationship, a breakup, or a dip in sex drive — or you may just have been single for a long time. Maybe you’re taking some personal time to focus on yourself. You may not have even noticed that it’s been months since you had any physical intimacy with another human being. Either way, these times don’t always have to be bad. For some, abstaining from sex can make it better in the long run when it finally comes around again.

I take advantage of this time alone. Sex can be really distracting and I find myself thinking about it all the time: When am I going to have it next? Where is it going to be? Who is it going to be with? It’s all-consuming, and these feelings of lust and desire give you tunnel vision, preventing you from thinking clearly. Abstaining from sex allows me to really get introspective and creative.

It also allows me to focus on my mental and sexual health, by taking the time to get tested for STIs for example (something super easy to do on campus through Health Services).

There are many ways to deal with a sexual drought. You can channel your sexual energy into other things like working out, recreational sports, eating right, or studying. If you’re just lacking general excitement, Tinder is an easy way to achieve immediate gratification and feel a boost in confidence. Going to parties is another way to have a good time and meet other people looking for hookups. If putting yourself out there isn’t your thing, stay in and treat yourself. Give yourself a break and let your body relax from all the shaving, waxing, moisturizing, and tweezing you may just be doing for others.

Take this time to find out what you really like and what you don’t, without the awkward interference of another person in the mix.

Spending intimate time with yourself could leave you feeling more satisfied than you would after a mediocre hookup. Try out different toys, new techniques, explore your body — get to know yourself better sexually and personally. Becoming more in tune with your body can make sex with someone else even more enjoyable the next time it comes around.

Just remember: sex is completely and utterly independent of self-worth and values. Dry spells are not the end of the world, and no matter how long it feels, they do not last forever. There are a million things better than sex, anyway: a good night’s sleep, an untouched jar of Nutella, pull-through parking spots, lasagna, warm socks…

Photo courtesy of Flickr via CC0

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