It’s okay to be a virgin

It’s okay to be a virgin

The only tip for students: take your time

Being a virgin in university can be stressful. First year, especially in residence, seems to be a time for people to go on what can feel like sex-rampages. All parties seem to end in sex, people are partnering up, and then the infamous Turkey Dump comes in a whirlwind.

Navigating through estrogen- and testosterone-filled waters can be challenging. You may feel left behind if you want to have sex, but haven’t found a partner, or are called a “prude” for not wanting to sexually connect with people. Other things can be more important at this time in your life, such as grades, a social life, getting involved in extracurricular activities, work, etc.

I understand.

If there’s one thing I can tell you, it would be to take your time.

Hearing someone say “you’ll find the right person” can be almost as annoying as “you’re a virgin?!” And honestly, you might not find the “right person” in first year. Or second year. Or third. So just take your time.

Being pressured into sex (by your own idealization of societal norms) will make your first time even worse.

Yes, even worse. Because it’s going to be terrible the first time. You won’t know where to put your legs, they might accidentally knee you in the side, and it will not feel as good as you hope. Most people’s first time is horrible. But it will get better with time.

Explore your body. Masturbate! Love your body. Make noises. Bring in a pillow, sock, or anything that causes friction. Buy a sex toy. Find out what feels good for you.

And then when/if you invite a partner into your sex life, you will know what feels the best, and you can tell them (pro tip: telling your partner what you want in bed is very hot).

If you find you are not into masturbation or even wanting to have sex with another person, that’s a great discovery, too! You might be on the asexuality scale. Learning about yourself is healthy and you’ll feel empowered to know what you want and don’t want.

Ultimately, university is a time for exploration.

You may be straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, asexual, polysexual, polyromantic, biromantic, monogamous, polyamorous, or anything in between. Follow your heart and see where it takes you.

I should know: I got together with my girlfriend in fourth year and shared my first sexual experience with her. We will be celebrating our three-year anniversary in March.

Image edited by Alora Griffiths/The Ontarion

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